This is a mini guide for youngsters nourishing their dream of making it big in Kollywood.
For guys:
Well you don’t have to know acting or you don’t have to concentrate on looks either (Can’t get easier than this right?). You can be jet black or fat or as thin as a chronically ill patient or bald or short or whatever.
All that matters is your capacity to deliver dialogues like, “Six and half crores people are behind me.Let me see what you can do” or “If I bat my eyelid your foundation will shatter to pieces” kind of dialogues with utter conviction.
Please ensure you have a real wealthy father or a slightly retarded director/producer who thinks the world of you and decide you are a boon to the industry and hence would happily gamble by making films with you as the hero.
Age also does not matter(you may have a college going son in reality, but you can easily perform a school goer role in film).You just have to wear a wig and some fancy clothes and with a few innocent on screen pranks, the public will believe that you are just 16. Or you can be just 16 and act as if you are 30.. That is also accepted.
Even before a single soul calls himself or herself your fan, you must ensure to have a song that tells your supernatural abilities to your “would be” fans.
You must know dancing.. Even if you know nothing else, you will be immediately accepted as a great star. But if you can’t dance, then you must be real friends with the cameraman who will shake the camera so much and capture the entire sequence in such a way that it will appear that you are some kind of a dancing sensation.
You must strongly believe that it will look completely believable when you jump from a ten storey building and land deftly on your feet without so much as a scratch. And you must also believe in the reverse, that is climbing a tall building or a wall like spiderman without any support would also look completely logical. In short, the more illogical your films are, more are the chances of them turning out to be blockbusters.
You must always come out with philosophies and one liners for the society. You must also prescribe the right code of conduct for women.
It is a great story and would become hit if hundreds of people get killed or properties worth crores are destroyed when you are out to get your girl or accomplish some single big aim in your life.
Your tamil should always be bad. Never care about ந, ண, ன, ழ, ல, ள, ர, ற.
Please don’t care about lip sync (in both dialogue deliveries and songs).
You have to sing (I mean in your own voice, however horrible it may be) in atleast one of the films.
The older you get, younger your heroines will be. So never worry about ageing.
Keep donating to causes and keep yourself popular. You will win state awards.
From Scene 1 to End credits if you maintain an expressionless face you may go on win the National Award also.
It is very important to think of a title for yourself. You will do well if you have something with a puratchi or a thalapathi or a star or a nayagan in it. Like Superstar, Ultimate Star, Little Superstar, Ilaya Thalapathi, Chinna Thalapathi, Puratchi thalapathi, Puratchi Nayagan, Ulaga Nayagan XYZ. OK va…
For aspiring Heroines:
You must start your career at the age of 16 or 17 and must act in as many films as possible before you are 22. After that you will be tagged as old and you may have to (read as forced to) turn to “chinnathirai” (TV).
You will exist in the film for the sole purpose of songs and a few (sometimes gross) romantic scenes. You may get about 30 minutes of the entire screen time.So, you will do well for yourself by signing up multiple films simultaneously.
You may be asked to play heroine to a 50+ yrs old hero. After that film, heroes in the age range 25 – 30 may refuse to act with you coz your market image would have become mature by then. Better device a good plan to face this situation before taking the plunge.
In almost every film, the hero will fall for you because you wear modern dresses and look all glam but then at some point of the story he would suddenly slap you and question your way of dressing, your nature which is so “un-lady like” etc... but then you are supposed to love him so much that you understand immediately that he speaks nothing but the truth and start living life by his code and his code alone.
You must never ever learn Tamil. You can chew gum or say something random when the shoot is on. Lip sync does not matter at all.
You don’t have to emote much.. a quizzical expression (as to what i am doing in this place ) coupled with a drop or two of tears will suffice.
Even if you deliver a string of flops, ensure that you generate as much gossip as possible.
Sometimes you may have to do certain scenes bordering on vulgarity. You wouldn’t have much of a choice. Practise saying, “It was absolutely essential for the film. That’s why I did it.” It will come handy during interviews.
********************
That’s all there is to it dear friends.. No no.. it was not a problem at all. I really love guiding people. Anytime. Yedo ennala mudinja kolai.. sorry kalai thondu..
For guys:
Well you don’t have to know acting or you don’t have to concentrate on looks either (Can’t get easier than this right?). You can be jet black or fat or as thin as a chronically ill patient or bald or short or whatever.
All that matters is your capacity to deliver dialogues like, “Six and half crores people are behind me.Let me see what you can do” or “If I bat my eyelid your foundation will shatter to pieces” kind of dialogues with utter conviction.
Please ensure you have a real wealthy father or a slightly retarded director/producer who thinks the world of you and decide you are a boon to the industry and hence would happily gamble by making films with you as the hero.
Age also does not matter(you may have a college going son in reality, but you can easily perform a school goer role in film).You just have to wear a wig and some fancy clothes and with a few innocent on screen pranks, the public will believe that you are just 16. Or you can be just 16 and act as if you are 30.. That is also accepted.
Even before a single soul calls himself or herself your fan, you must ensure to have a song that tells your supernatural abilities to your “would be” fans.
You must know dancing.. Even if you know nothing else, you will be immediately accepted as a great star. But if you can’t dance, then you must be real friends with the cameraman who will shake the camera so much and capture the entire sequence in such a way that it will appear that you are some kind of a dancing sensation.
You must strongly believe that it will look completely believable when you jump from a ten storey building and land deftly on your feet without so much as a scratch. And you must also believe in the reverse, that is climbing a tall building or a wall like spiderman without any support would also look completely logical. In short, the more illogical your films are, more are the chances of them turning out to be blockbusters.
You must always come out with philosophies and one liners for the society. You must also prescribe the right code of conduct for women.
It is a great story and would become hit if hundreds of people get killed or properties worth crores are destroyed when you are out to get your girl or accomplish some single big aim in your life.
Your tamil should always be bad. Never care about ந, ண, ன, ழ, ல, ள, ர, ற.
Please don’t care about lip sync (in both dialogue deliveries and songs).
You have to sing (I mean in your own voice, however horrible it may be) in atleast one of the films.
The older you get, younger your heroines will be. So never worry about ageing.
Keep donating to causes and keep yourself popular. You will win state awards.
From Scene 1 to End credits if you maintain an expressionless face you may go on win the National Award also.
It is very important to think of a title for yourself. You will do well if you have something with a puratchi or a thalapathi or a star or a nayagan in it. Like Superstar, Ultimate Star, Little Superstar, Ilaya Thalapathi, Chinna Thalapathi, Puratchi thalapathi, Puratchi Nayagan, Ulaga Nayagan XYZ. OK va…
For aspiring Heroines:
You must start your career at the age of 16 or 17 and must act in as many films as possible before you are 22. After that you will be tagged as old and you may have to (read as forced to) turn to “chinnathirai” (TV).
You will exist in the film for the sole purpose of songs and a few (sometimes gross) romantic scenes. You may get about 30 minutes of the entire screen time.So, you will do well for yourself by signing up multiple films simultaneously.
You may be asked to play heroine to a 50+ yrs old hero. After that film, heroes in the age range 25 – 30 may refuse to act with you coz your market image would have become mature by then. Better device a good plan to face this situation before taking the plunge.
In almost every film, the hero will fall for you because you wear modern dresses and look all glam but then at some point of the story he would suddenly slap you and question your way of dressing, your nature which is so “un-lady like” etc... but then you are supposed to love him so much that you understand immediately that he speaks nothing but the truth and start living life by his code and his code alone.
You must never ever learn Tamil. You can chew gum or say something random when the shoot is on. Lip sync does not matter at all.
You don’t have to emote much.. a quizzical expression (as to what i am doing in this place ) coupled with a drop or two of tears will suffice.
Even if you deliver a string of flops, ensure that you generate as much gossip as possible.
Sometimes you may have to do certain scenes bordering on vulgarity. You wouldn’t have much of a choice. Practise saying, “It was absolutely essential for the film. That’s why I did it.” It will come handy during interviews.
********************
That’s all there is to it dear friends.. No no.. it was not a problem at all. I really love guiding people. Anytime. Yedo ennala mudinja kolai.. sorry kalai thondu..
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